Frustration and Thoughts about the Future

So I've pretty much resigned to the fact that I am a target. I have worked hard to make my channel what it is today. I consider it to be a "child" if you will that I have put time, energy and much thought into.

What's so ironic is that I am a target partially of my own design. As the popular outspoken, somewhat brazen, Wiccan chick. I've garnered praise and ridicule-admiration and accusation-validationa and dismissal. I've taken to heart that I don't judge any group by the actions of a few of their members.

My words can be harsh sometimes, and I believe in energy for energy. Something that many in the Wiccan community would see me burned for. Their frustration with me mirrors my frustration with many of them. But I haven't given up on them. They may be new, largely fluffy, fantastical "Charmed Ones" but even the greatest of people started from meager beginnings. I look towards those who have crossed through the threshhold of fantasy to realism in religion to lead the way. Amber-I meant it when I said I'd buy you a beer. Spyke-I don't just buy a website for anyone. George-Keep it real. Cody and Laura-You're a force to be reckoned with. With you guys, I know the Wiccan community will still have a lighthouse, a compass, a Polaris and guides. Don't let me down.

But what scares me the most isn't the hate I receive, but my ability and the ability of my community to deal with it. When is too far too far? When have we only muddied ourselves while pointing fingers at the dirty?

I will probably lose my account here in the next few days. I've kind of accepted that fact. I've been told by several that they are gunning for me. And while my melodramatic alliterations are no doubt read with mixed emotions, so is the feeling in my heart while writing this.

As Nathan suggests that his God is with him, I assert the same thing. I take the spirit of the divine with me and ask for strength in what ever comes.

You will never know how much in the past years, YouTube has changed me. When I arrived on the scene, I was still wet behind the ears, looking for a place to muse my philosophical ramblings. It became clear from day one, I was fighting an uphill battle just for respect both outside and inside the Pagan community. That changed me.

I've also met some amazing people along the way. Some were fast friends like Tannhaus, Spyke, Seamus, Bertles, Laura and Cody.

Some started out as bitter enemies like Jack, Venus, Meaghan, Care and Paul.
With even more I share a long and jagged relationship which, if they had a machine to measure it, might look like a seismograph with it's needle flailing back and forth as if convulsing. Those are the relationships that we might call schizophrenic and in need of shock therapy.

And shock therapy is sometimes what it took to bring old foes together in the spirit of more than common interest, but earned respect. We fought through ShamanShadow and then dissinigrated. We mourned with the loss of one of our own-Meaghan. She is not here, but I still see her spirit when I look into the eyes of her darling children. And we've shared the experiences that old friends share and tell stories about.

Many relationships like the legendary love of Laura and Cody and the soon-to-be-legendary Spyke and Coty. Love is a force more powerful than hate, than intelligence, than wit, than popularity. Love binds you heart and soul and is something lasting and real. It transcends distance and physicality. It makes you more than what you were. Goddess bless you all.

You have all changed me. If anything, I can look back and know that my love for you and this community has changed me for the better. I am more than what I was because of you.

Blessed Be